Dating after divorce can prove to be a challenge for a lot of men, especially those that were deep into a marriage, meaning they either put in a lot of years or a lot of their energy and experience into trying to make the marriage work. When you spend quite a bit of time operating as a couple, and suddenly you find yourself back out there all by yourself, it can throw you for a bit. Suddenly, you are no longer part of a couple, you are just YOU.
I can tell you that no guy wants to let a divorce ‘ruin’ him, but it happens a LOT. You lose confidence, you lose a sense of identity, and you have to pick up from square one. Sometimes, you are actually starting off worse off than at square one because of the hurt that you may have had to go through. You might be carrying some pretty twisted emotional baggage which is something that you don’t have at square one.
Dating After Divorce
How can you rebound better than EVER after getting divorced and entering back into the world of dating again?
- Work on building up YOUR identity again.
When you are a couple and when you have been part of a couple for a long time, it’s only natural that you are going to start to identify yourself as being that couple. You aren’t just David, you are David and Lisa. When you go out to socialize as a couple, chances are, people will have referred to you as being David and Lisa (or whatever yours and her names are). Now, that you are single again… you’re just David. And that can be weird to find out that you have almost lost half of your identity. Throw into the mix that you probably also lost some of your social contacts through the divorce, and bam! You have to start over.
Find out who YOU are again. When you were married, you knew what you liked to do as a couple. Now that you are divorced, you have to figure out what you like to do by yourself. When you were married, you knew what kind of life that you wanted to live together. Now, you have to figure out what kind of life you want to live on your own. This is big, so don’t ignore it. It can be exciting though, as you get to reflect and maybe even make some changes and explore new territory.
- Don’t think of yourself as being divorced, think of yourself as being SINGLE.
This is just a little trick for the mind, to kind of get over whatever mental hurdles or whatever negative attachments that you may have about being divorced. Some guys look at it as something to be ashamed of, or something that they need to try to hide. You don’t need to do that. Hey, you did the right thing. You went for the committed relationship, you went for the real deal. It did not work out, and that’s okay.
Thinking of yourself as being single takes away some of that stigma, that disappointment and re-frames it in a much more positive light. It’s not some magical technique that will suddenly make dating look easy as pie. It will however, get you out of thinking that you need to hide your past or that you have something to be ashamed of. And that will make you a little more confident when it comes to meeting women.
- Play the field for a little while.
For some reason, people kind of attach this really negative stigma to playing the field. Like it is a bad thing to want to meet new women, see what they are really like, and not make a decision on which one to commit to in a rush. Look, it’s not a bad thing. Would you try to invest in the first stock that you came across or would you rather get to know about them all so that you can make the best decision possible?
Dating and getting into a relationship should be just as important as where you put your money, so why not give yourself the best odds at finding the right woman and play the field a little? After all, you don’t want to wind up in the same situation that you are in now, 5 years from now, simply because you decided to settle down too quickly. Do you?